No Laughing Matter
by panther23
Summary: Atomic Betty must face a new villan called The Cosmic Jester. He's sort of like an Atomic Betty version of The Joker from BATMAN.
1. Prepare to giggle

Atomic Roger stood beside three huge displays cases full of different coloured jewels. Just then, he heard a beeping coming from his wrist.

He pressed a button on his wrist and a hologram of Admiral Degill appeared.

"Hello Roger," he said, "I trust everything is going well."

"Everything is in tip top shape sir," said Roger.

"Let's hope it stays that way," said Degill, "Those display cases are full of some of the priceless jewels in the universe. So anyone could try and get their greedy hands on them. So be on high alert."

"Don't worry sir,' said Roger, "No crook will get past Atomic Roger!"

"Let's hope so. Degill out." And Degill's hologram disappeared.

Roger looked around the room and saw nothing strange.

All of a sudden, Roger started to hear someone laughing. It started out as a giggle, but then it became an insane laugh.

"Who's there?" said Roger, "Show yourself."

The laughter became louder and louder as Roger looked around the whole room until he heard, "Hello," from behind him.

Roger turned around and saw a blue skinned man standing in front of him.

The man was wearing a dark blue long sleeve shirt with black gloves on both of his hands. He had black jeans on and black running shoes. He had a black court jester hat on top of his head and he had a black duffle bag around his left shoulder.

"Who are you?" asked Roger.

"Oh, just your normal happy customer," said the man with a big smile on his face. He started to look around at the jewels.

"Wow," he said, "Look at all the shiny stuff. I think I'll take them all."

Roger then took out his blaster and aimed it at the man.

"Not so fast," he said, "If you want these jewels, then you'll have to get past me, Atomic Roger."

"_The_ Atomic Roger?" said the man with a fake gasp, "Never heard of you." And he kicked the blaster out of Roger's hands.

The blaster landed on the floor and a laser beam shot out of it, barley missing Roger's head.

"Hey watch it!" yelled Roger, "You almost messed up my hair."

The man looked at Roger's hair and started to giggle.

"That's your hair?" he asked, "I thought a cat fell asleep on your head."

Roger started to get really mad.

"Nobody makes fun of my hair!" he shouted.

"Aww, you're upset," said the man, "But I have just the thing to cheer you up."

The man pulled out a small golden baton, which was attached to his belt and pointed it at Roger.

Roger could see a smiling clown face staring back at him.

"What is that?" he asked.

The man just smiled and said, "Prepare to giggle!" And he pressed a button on his baton, which made the mouth on the clown's face open and shoot out a cloud of purple smoke into Roger's face.

As soon as the gas hit Roger, he burst out laughing.

"What's ha-ha-ha-ha happing hah-ha-ha to me?" he said between laughs.

"Ah, music to my ears," said the man as he walked towards the display cases.

The man whistled as he crashed open one of the glass cases and began to stuff the jewels into his duffle bag. He crashed every single case open until they were all empty. He even took two silver diamonds, stuck them in front of his eyes and said, "Look, diamo-vision."

He then saw that Roger was still laughing, only now he was lying on the ground, holding onto his sides.

"If you thought that was funny," said the man, "Then you're going to love this."

He then put his hand into his duffle bag, took out a spray can and went to the nearest wall.


	2. Words hurt

At Moosejaw Heights Junior High School, Betty was in the auditorium laughing as she saw a kid in a clown costume slip on a banana peel. She was sitting beside Noah, who was laughing harder than she was.

It was the Moosejaw heights comedy night, where everyone was on stage, doing silly stuff and telling funny jokes.

After the clown kid was done with his act, Principal Peterson came out and announced the next performer. "Next up with her classic stand-ups," he said, "Here's Penelope Lang."

As soon as she heard her name, Penelope came on stage with a microphone in her hand.

"This ought to be fun," said Noah in a sarcastic tone.

"Tell me about it," said Betty, "Wake me when it's over." And she pretended to snore, which made Noah giggle a little bit.

"Hello everyone," said Penelope to the audience, "I would like to take this time to talk about a certain someone I know; Betty".

Betty was in total shock when she heard Penelope say her name.

"I mean, she likes outer space and other planets and stuff," said Penelope, "Of course, the way she looks, she probably is from another planet. And she ways she dances. She looks like she has an ice cube down her back". And Penelope started to imitate Betty's dancing.

Everyone in the audience was laughing, except Betty. The things that Penelope had said about her really hurt. Tears started to swell up in Betty's eyes and she got up off her seat and ran off.

Noah tried to stop her, but Betty was already out the door.

After her performance, Penelope was backstage, drinking a bottle of water, when she saw Noah staring at her with an angry glare.

"What's your problem Penelope?" he said, "Why did you say all those awful things about Betty?"

"Because they're true," said Penelope, "And besides, everyone liked them. Didn't you hear them laughing?"

"Well Betty wasn't laughing," said Noah, "She ran out of the auditorium crying her eyes out."

Penelope just scoffed and said, "Whatever. Like I care about that red headed loser."

Noah just glared at Penelope for a few seconds and then said, "You know what Penelope? You think you have everything, but I know one thing you're missing."

"And what might that be?" asked Penelope.

Noah looked at her and said, "A heart." And he walked away.

"I'm not that heartless," Penelope said to herself, "Am I?"


	3. Put on a happy face

Betty was sitting on the bench outside her school crying. Penelope had said some pretty mean stuff to her in the past, but what she said about her on stage was just too much.

Just then, her bracelet started beeping. Betty pressed a button and Admiral Degill's hologram appeared.

"Atomic Betty reporting for duty," Betty sniffled.

"Betty, are you okay?" said Degill, a bit concerned.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," said Betty, whipping her tears, "What's the mission?"

"Oh right, of course," said Degill, "There has been a bizarre jewel theft on Celebra. Someone has stolen the galaxy's most priceless jewels."

"What do mean by bizarre?" asked Betty.

"You might want to see that for yourself," Degill said.

Betty then pressed a button on her bracelet and she was beamed onto her ship.

"What's the mission Chief?" Sparky asked Betty.

"I'm not sure," said Betty, "The Admiral just said it was bizarre. Set a course for Celebra."

Sparky started up the ship and they were off.

The crew arrived at the crime scene. There were cop cars near a huge museum and even an ambulance. Betty was afraid that someone might have gotten hurt.

"Betty, there you are." said Degill when he saw her and her crew, "I'm so glad you're here. Come, I want to show you something."

He took them to the ambulance, where they could hear what sounded like laughter. Betty and her crew looked inside the ambulance and saw Atomic Roger lying on a stretcher with an oxygen mask on his face and he was laughing.

"We found him like this inside the museum," said Degill, "For some reason, he can't stop laughing."

Betty and the others went inside the museum. All they saw were shattered display cases that were completely empty.

"Looks like the thief wasn't too picky," said X-5.

"Whoa," said Sparky, "Guys, check this out."

Betty and X-5 went up to Sparky and saw what he was looking at. On one of the walls was a huge smiley face made out of yellow paint. And below it were the words, PUT ON A HAPPY FACE!.

"I better talk to Roger about this," said Betty, "He might know what happened."

"That might be difficult," said Degill, "I tried talking to him and all I got was laughter."

Betty went outside towards the ambulance, where Roger was still lying down laughing.

"Roger, I need you to calm down," she told him, "And tell me what happened in the museum."

Roger started to take a few deep breaths until his laughter went down to just a few little giggles.

"I was guarding the jewels when this man arrived," he explained between laughs, "He was a black court jester hat. I tried to stop him, but he pointed a baton at me, which shot out some kind of purple smoke, and the next thing I knew, I was laughing like crazy and I couldn't stop."

When Roger stopped talking, he went into a fit of giggles.

A paramedic went up to Betty and said, "We need to take him to the hospital now."

Betty stood aside and watched the ambulance drive away. She then went up to Degill and explained to him what Roger just told her.

Just then, Betty heard a ringing coming from Degill's vest. It was his cell phone. Degill took it out and answered it.

"Hello? What? I see. We'll be right there."

He hung up his phone and then told Betty, "There has been another robbery like this at a bank just a few miles away from here."

"Well then let's go," said Betty.


	4. The laughter continues

Betty, Sparky, X-5 and Degill ran to the bank and saw that everyone was on the ground laughing. The customers, the bank tellers, even the security guards were all laughing hysterically.

"Better get an ambulance here." said Betty.

"I'm on it," said Degill, who walked out of the bank.

Betty and her crew walked around the bank looking for clues. They saw that a huge safe was opened. When they went in, they saw that all the money was gone. All that was left were a few dollar bills on the ground. Then they saw the same thing they saw at the museum heist, a huge yellow smiley face on the wall with the words PUT ON A HAPPY FACE! written below it.

When the ambulance took the laughing victims away, Betty and her crew tried to figure out who was responsible for the crimes.

"My guess is that it's some sort of small time crook who armed himself with a tank of n2o," said X-5. Betty and Sparky looked at him like they had no idea what he was talking about. "In other words, laughing gas" said X-5, a bit annoyed.

"I think the guy was armed with a feather duster," said Sparky, "And he used it to tickle everyone until he gave him the loot." The others just gave him a weird look and he said, "At least that's what I think."

As everyone was thinking, Betty saw a security camera on the ceiling. She pointed it to the others and said, "I think we can find out who did it."

Betty and her crew went up to the security office where all the screens for the cameras were. X-5 went the control desk and rewound the tape to before the crime took place.

Betty and her crew watched as everyone was just standing around the bank, when all of a sudden, a man in a court jester hat entered. They watched as he pointed a baton at everyone and shot out some kind of gas that made them fall to the ground and laugh. After he sprayed everyone, he grabbed the keys from one of the guards and used them to unlock the safe. He stuffed all of the money into the duffle bag he had around his shoulder. Before he left, he looked at the camera, smiled and waved.

X-5 hit pause to when the man was waving at the camera so that everyone could get a good look at him.

"You know, he looks strangely familiar," said X-5.

"You're right," said Sparky who stared at the crook's face and then snapped his fingers. "Craters! I know were I've seen him before. He was at the club."

"That's where I've seen him before" said X-5.

"Hold on," said Betty, who was a bit confused, "How do you two know this guy?"

"Me and Sparky went to a comedy club a few days ago right here in Celebra," said X-5, "And he was one of the comedians. His name is Daniel Callaway."

"He wasn't really funny though," said Sparky, "He just said a bunch of really old jokes. Like, what time is it when you have to go the dentist?"

"Tooth-irty!" said Betty, "I heard that joke when I was six."

"Exactly," said Sparky, "He just kept saying all these bad jokes until he was booed off stage. But I don't understand why he's quit comedy and went to stealing."

"That doesn't matter right now," said Betty, "What matters is that we have to catch him before he turns someone else into a giggling fool. And I think I know just how to do it."


	5. The Jester reveals himself

Betty, Sparky and X-5 hid behind a big display case inside a huge museum. They were staring at a big glass case and inside was a big silver diamond.

"Are you sure the crook will come?" asked Sparky

"Of course," said Betty, "He won't be able to resist."

Just as soon as Betty said this, they saw the doors to the museum open and the man entered.

He walked towards the diamond with a nasty smile on his face. He slowly removed the glass case and placed it on the floor.

"They're making this too easy," he said to himself as he grabbed the diamond. But as soon as he touched it, he dropped it on the ground and it shattered.

"It's cold," he said.

He then picked up one of the pieces of the diamond and it melted in his hand.

"I've been tricked," the man growled, "This diamond is made out of ice. Who would pull a prank like this?"

"That would be us," said a female voice from behind the man. He turned around and saw Betty and her crew standing right behind him

The man's smile returned as he said, "Well, well, well, if it isn't the famous Atomic Betty. And me without my autograph book."

"Your little crime spree is over Callaway," said Betty.

Daniel's smile disappeared as he said, "What did you call me?"

"That's your name isn't it?" asked Betty, "Daniel Callaway?'

"That's where you're wrong, my little red haired friend, " said Daniel, "I use to be Daniel Callaway. Son of Jacob Callaway, one of the best comedians in the galaxy. He could make a person laugh so hard, they'd wet their pants. So I decided to follow in my father's footsteps and become a comedian myself. I used some of my dad's best jokes on stage, but nobody laughed. They said I wasn't funny."

"Maybe that's because some of those jokes of yours were only funny in the olden days," said X-5, "And nowadays, people don't think they're funny anymore."

"Nobody asked you, you floating garbage can," scowled Daniel, "Anyway, because people thought my jokes weren't any good, I was kicked out of every comedy club on Celebra. My jokes weren't exactly putting food on the table. That's when I figured out I could both get money and make people laugh at the same time, by going into a life of crime. You see, I'm no longer Daniel Callaway, I am the Cosmic Jester!"

"Yeah, yeah, so you steal from a few places so you can get some money," said Betty, "But what's with the smoke you shoot into people's faces?"

"Oh, you mean this baby?" said the Jester as he took out his baton, " Well, as you can see, not only am I a professional comedian, I also have a PHD in Chemistry. Inside this little baton of mine is a special compound I like to call Giggle Brand X. It's a special type of gas I created using normal laughing gas and a few special chemicals I created myself. Just one little squirt, and anyone who inhales it will go into a huge state of laughter. Like I said, I wanted to make people laugh."

"Wait just one minute here," said Sparky, "Let me get this straight. You turned into a crook just because you didn't get a few laughs?"

"That's right Pickle Nose," said the Jester, "You got a problem with that?"

"Look buddy," Sparky said, "Maybe you should face facts. I saw you perform and the people are right, you're just not funny."

The Jester had a really angry look on his face. "What did you say?" he asked.

"You heard me," said Sparky, "You're not funny."

The Jester started to growl as he stared at Sparky and said, "I'll show you not funny!"

And before Sparky could do anything, the Jester sprayed a huge smoke of his gas right into Sparky's face.

Sparky let out a few giggles at first, but then he burst out laughing. Betty could see tears streaming from his eyes.

Betty then gave the Jester an angry look and said, "Nobody does that to my crew and gets away with it!"

The Jester just smiled and said, "Well then, let's see what you got little girl."

Betty ran towards the Jester, jumped up in the air and kicked him in the chest. But it only made the Jester stumble a few steps back.

"You call that a kick?" he chuckled, "My grandmother could fight better than you."

The Jester did a flying kick at Betty and she fell flat on her back.

Betty sat up and looked at the Jester with a serious look.

"What's with the face?" said the Jester, "C'mon Betty. Let's see a smile."

And the Jester sprayed some of his gas at Betty who burst into laughter.

The Jester smiled at what he saw and then looked at X-5.

"Now it's your turn robo-dork," said the Jester, "Time to put a smile on that face."

The Jester sprayed a huge cloud of gas at X-5, which covered his whole body. But when the cloud disappear, X-5 wasn't laughing.

"Hey, how come you're not laughing?" the Jester asked in shock.

"I'm a robot," said X-5, "I'm not programmed with a sense of humour."

The Jester groaned and said, "You robots take the fun out of everything."

The Jester ran towards the front door. X-5 turned his hand into a blaster and started to fire at him, but missed by a few inches.

Before he left, the Cosmic Jester looked at X-5 and said, "I can promise you this, this planet has happy days ahead." And the Jester let out an insane laugh and ran out of the museum.

X-5 saw Sparky and Betty on the floor laughing like crazy.

He started to shake like a paint shaker at a hardware store, then his chest opened and took out two test tubes, each with a blue liquid inside it. X-5 went up to Betty and Sparky and poured the liquid down their throats.

Betty and Sparky's laughter went down to a few giggles and then stopped in a matter of seconds. "Thanks X-5," said Betty.

"Yeah, thanks," said Sparky, "For a minute there, I thought I was going to bust one of my four stomachs. What was that stuff?"

"When the Cosmic Jester sprayed me with his gas, I was able to inhale some of it and create an antidote," X-5 explained, "I think I have enough to cure all the other victims too."

"Good idea X-5," said Betty, "But right now we got to stop the Cosmic Jester. Letr's go"

Betty and her crew ran out of the museum in search of the Cosmic Jester.


	6. Laughter from the sky

Betty, Sparky and X-5 were on top of a roof top looking through binoculars, in search of the Cosmic Jester.

"I can't find him anywhere," said Sparky as he looked at all the people walking below, "You'd think finding a guy in a court jester hat would be easy."

All of a sudden, the crew could hear the Jester's insane laughter coming from the sky. They all looked up and saw a huge blimp floating above them with the Jester's laugh coming out of the speakers attached to it.

Just then, the Jester began to speak into the speakers.

"Hello Celebra," he said, "Remember me? I'm the guy you booed off stage. You claimed that I wasn't funny, that my jokes were boring. Well that's all about to change. Soon, you will all be laughing because of me."

The bottom of the blimp opened up and lowered out a red missile with a bunch of yellow smiley faces painted on it.

"That missile must be full of that giggle gas of his," said Betty, "If he drops that, then everyone in the city will die laughing. I'm going up there".

And Betty pressed a button on her bracelet and a jet pack appeared on her back.

"Be careful Chief," said Sparky.

"Hey, I always am," said Betty, and she blasted off towards the blimp.

Betty flew through an opened window on the blimp and saw the Cosmic Jester steering the ship.

"Hold it right there Jester," she said.

"Atomic Betty?" said the Jester as he turned around, "What are you doing here? You should back at that museum, laughing like crazy."

"Well now I'm not," said Betty.

She ran at the Jester, who pointed his finger at a big red button.

"Don't move," he said, "just one push of this button and my missile will fall, and then everyone down below will be laughing harder that a pack of cosmic hyenas."

Betty just stood still, glaring at the Cosmic Jester. But then, she started laughing. It started out as a small chuckle and then tuned into a roaring belly laugh.

"What's so funny?" the Jester demanded.

"You, that's what." said Betty who was still laughing, "You going through all this trouble just to make people laugh. It's so pathetic, it's funny".

The Jester gasped in horror at what Betty said to her.

Betty continued to laugh, but the Jester couldn't stand it. He covered his ears.

"Shut your mouth!" he shouted.

"What's the matter?" asked Betty, "I thought you wanted to make people laugh."

The Jester let out a growl of frustration, ran at Betty and swung his fist at her. But Betty blocked it and kicked the Cosmic Jester right in the face, causing him to fall on his side.

"Still think your grandma fights better than me?" Betty asked.

But the Jester didn't have time to answer as Betty noticed that nobody was flying the blimp and saw out the window that it was going to crash.

Betty grabbed the controls and was able to gently land the blimp on the ground.

Betty came out of the blimp with the Jester in handcuffs. Outside to greet them were Sparky, X-5, Degill ad a group of cops.

"Congratulations Betty," said Degill, "You've saved the day once again."

"All I ever wanted was to put a smile on everyone's faces," said the Cosmic Jester as he was place into the police car.

"Look at it this way," said Sparky, "At least you'll have a long time to work on your act."

The Jester just groaned and said, "Oh, that was so funny, I forgot to laugh."

And he was driven away.


	7. The shocker back home

When Betty returned to Earth, she was at her school.

Just then, from behind her, she heard, "Hey Betty,". It was Penelope.

"What do you want?" said Betty, "Come to make more jokes about me?"

"No," said Penelope, "I just want to say, I'm sorry."

Betty was in shock when she heard this, because Penelope had never apologized for anything ever.

"It was wrong of me to say all those awful things about you," Penelope continued, "From now on, I'll try to be more sensitive." And she walked away.

Just then, Noah walked up to Betty.

"You're not going to believe this," said Betty, "Penelope actually apologized to me"

"I know," said Noah, "I talked to her after her act and told her how she hurt your feelings and I guessed I got through to her."

"Thanks Noah," said Betty, "You are a true friend." And she gave Noah a hug.

Meanwhile, inside a huge prison in the galaxy, the Cosmic Jester was lying on the bed in his cell, chuckling to himself.

"I find a way out of here," he said to himself, "And when I do, I'm going to get even with that little red haired brat. And no matter what it takes, this galaxy will find me funny, I'll make sure of it." And he let out a huge evil laugh which echoed through the entire prison.


End file.
